Passion – Page 4 – Journeys of a Hybrid

July 23, 2011July 24, 2011

More Stuff I Learned While Making a Movie

The day finally arrived – our first screening of Opening Our Eyes – a film that I have poured my heart and soul into over the last year and a half. Sounds like a cliché, but this project has consumed me in every way imaginable – good and bad.

As I looked up at the marquee of the State Theater in Traverse City, MI last Sunday morning, it hit me – we had done it. My daughter Erin and I had set out to make a film last Spring about people all over the world who were making it a better place – and we did it.

It was and will continue to be a lot of work – a lot more than I ever could have imagined. There have been some of the lowest of lows and the highest of highs along the way. There have been times of disappointment from unexpected sources and times of encouragement and support from remarkable people who came into my life because of this project.

I have learned so much since embarking on this journey – here are just a few things:

Believe in your dream. Lots of us have dreams but most of us don’t really believe in them. I think that makes all the difference as far as making your dream a reality – the ability to believe that your dream will happen. I have felt that this would happen from the first moment that I conceived the idea – I saw it – I heard it – This idea picked me – not the other way around.

Trust – I knew all along that for this film to be what I had envisioned it to be – I couldn’t do it alone. It could only succeed through the support of all the people who have contributed to this project from the beginning, whether by supporting it financially or just by being there for me to spring ideas off of. I really had to open myself up and trust that would happen – and it did. That’s not to say that I haven’t had my share of disappointments along the way, but I had to get past them and then learn to trust – again.

Work with people who share your vision. I used to think I could edit. but after working with my brilliant editor, Erik Freeland – now I just think I’m a hack. Finding Erik was a blessing. It’s not all that hard to find a good editor, but to find an editor who has the same drive and passion as I do for what this film is or can be – is a rare gift – and I know that. There have been a handful of times in my life, when this serendipity has happened and sometimes, I’ve been too busy to take notice – but this time, I not only took notice – I welcomed Erik’s vision. Because I was open to what Erik could bring to the film – it’s so much stronger.

Friends – As much as I know that I should never do anything for the sake of other people’s approval, there is always a part of me (my ego) that surfaces and seeks that approval or validation. Funny thing is that when you create something that is coming from such a sincere place in your own heart – a project that you’re so passionate about – people come into your life because of it. They are drawn in by your own enthusiasm. So when others, disappoint you or even take no notice at all – you realize their approval doesn’t really matter.
Chris Guillebeau has a wonderful blog post about this.

Feedback – One reason I had a couple of sneak previews this past week was to solicit feedback. When I get consumed with the mechanics of making a movie, especially the editing of the movie, I often get caught up in the nit picky stuff, (which is very important) but I need to step back and digest it as the overall movie. It’s tough when I’m so close to it, so I always solicit other’s input. I know I can’t accommodate everyone’s suggestions because I’d end up with a big mess if I tried. Some comments ring true and I may take them to heart, while other comments aren’t really along the same line of my thinking, so I discount them. Some people’s comments are brutal and cut deep, but after I get past the initial hurt, I realize sometimes, that the comments that cut deepest are the one’s that strike closest to the heart of the matter – and my inner voice takes notice.

Overcoming resistance – The most important thing of all. I did what I set out to do and that is to make a film that will motivate others and move them to action. During the first Q&A last week, a man stood up and thanked me for making the film. He told me that he hadn’t even intended to see a movie that morning – he had been looking at the posters announcing the lineup for the TC film festival this week and saw the marquee and came in. He told me that it changed his way of thinking – that it changed his life. And then he told me that I needed to screen this film for as many people as possible. That’s my ultimate goal – to share this film with others – and if one person in every audience reacts that way – well what more could I ask for?

This film may not be perfect and it may not be for everybody (certainly not the cynics), but I did something a lot of others never do – I executed my idea – rather than give myself lots of goods reasons why I couldn’t. I could cite plenty of reasons right now that could have or should have stopped me in my tracks. But I didn’t stop because I had such a strong belief in this dream – I saw it too clearly.

Whenever I pull back from my dreams and succumb to my own resistance, I stop and think about a line from a Joni Mitchell tune where she writes about old friends being “cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark café”. I stop and I think about that. I sure don’t want to end up being one of those people who piss away their own life by passing judgment about other people’s efforts or causes. And then, I get out and do something. That’s how I’m making a difference.

July 7, 2011July 7, 2011

Ten Things I Learned While Making a Movie With a DSLR

1. It will take twice as long as you think. This is especially true if you have a limited budget. With a limited budget comes a smaller crew and therefore you need to do a lot more of the work yourself – if you can.
2. It will take more money than you think. Everything adds up. There are a lot of costs in post-production – licensing music is a big one and a feature film needs lots of music – and having the sound professionally mixed, makes all the difference and is well worth the money – so anticipate that cost.
3. If you need to transcode files for your editing application – then make that the first thing you do. In fact, I used the Log and Transfer plug-in on Final Cut Pro to do a pre-edit on all my clips as well as add metadata to the files.
4. Hire a professional editor. Smartest thing I did. I raised funds on Kickstarter so that I could hire a pro. I know how to edit – or at least I thought I did – till I worked with a professional editor. My editor crafted the story and cut it like a musical composition with beautiful timing and rhythm.
5. You will need twice the memory or drives than you thought you would. Even, when working with a professional editor – in fact because I was collaborating with an editor, we had duplicate projects and media on 3 – 2 terabyte drives each!
6. Stay focused on the story. Don’t even go into the editing room without a clear idea of what story you want to tell.
7. Define your target audience. Iit’s important, especially in terms of how you want to craft the story and the rhythm of the piece.
8. Plan ahead as far as screenings or putting content online. Many film festivals have strict guidelines about previous screenings, premiers etc. I wanted to show my film on a big screen, but I couldn’t have it open to the public or charge money, so I opted to have an “invitation only” event and called it a “sneak preview”. Test screenings are done all the time with studios. It gives you a chance to get feedback.
9. Utilize social media. Have a website for the film and a fan page on Facebook.
10. Don’t try to be what you’re not. And don’t try to be all things to all people in your film. Stay true to your vision. Push yourself to try new things. Go with your gut.

July 1, 2011

Fear of Failure – Fear of Success

Which is it? Which one of these paradigms rules your own behavior? If you are like me, then it’s a little bit of both.

Lately, I think I’ve been leaning more toward fearing success – than failing. I don’t usually contemplate my fears – most times, rushing into the unknown like a young child. I think that’s my inner voice that is calling and I blindly follow. And when I do follow, good things happen. And that’s when I start to get afraid.

Odd isn’t it – being afraid when things are going as I planned, even as I dreamed. I guess for me, fearing success stems from my own lack of self-confidence and questioning myself “Am I deserving of these good things that are happening in my life?

If I stop and think about it – that it was my hard work that led to those “good things” – then I’m OK. But when hard work comes from a place of passion, deep within me, I lose sight that it is work at all. Sure, there are days when things overwhelm me and days when everything I do seems to “fail”, but mostly my work is my joy.

The only thing I really fear is to wake up one day and not feel joy in what I’m doing. I hope that if that happens, I face my fears and change things.

June 17, 2011June 17, 2011

The Making of a Movie with a DSLR

It’s been a wild ride since I first began this journey of making a feature film with a DSLR camera – in my case, the Canon Eos 5D Mark II. I had already completed three short documentaries to date – all made with traditional video cameras from my first Canon XL-1 to my current HD Sony EX-1. But this time I was heading out on a 99-day journey around the globe, with my 23 year old daughter in search of ordinary people on six continents, who were making a difference in the world, and we had to pack light.

We were “the crew” – the two of us. We had to work efficiently and with gear that would fit into two backpacks and would endure the adventure as we traveled to 17 different countries on 30 flights. I also wanted to shoot both still images and motion, so I opted for the DSLR solution. Of course, I was enchanted by the “big chip” and the cinematic look of these cameras, but I was also thinking of my gear in practical terms – how I was traveling – how I would be shooting – and of course the desired outcome.

So with my daughter “running sound”, doing the interviews with our subjects, shooting still images, and navigating us through the subway systems in Moscow and Buenos Aires, and me taking care of all the logistics and shooting both video and stills, we came back 99 days later with almost 3000 gigabytes of content – that’s approx. 150 hours of footage and 5000 still image captures!

I wasn’t mentally prepared for what came next and that was 2 intensive months on my part ingesting all the content into my editing system, transcoding and adding metadata to the files and culling through hours of interview soundbites until I had cut it down to three . It was grueling and my winter months were spent putting in 14 hour days – 7 days a week. I was overwhelmed, yet somehow driven by some force. It was a lot of work, it was tedious and it was daunting – but yet it was my passion and somehow this inexplicable “force” got me through it.

I raised money along the way through crowd funding on Kickstarter and with that, I hired an editor. After I handed the project off to my editor, Erik Freeland of Springhouse Films, there was a huge sigh of relief on my part. I knew the post production had a long way to go but, I also knew that I had to let it go for a while and step back. Working with Erik has been amazing in itself and he has brought enormous value to this project and film. I have learned a lot from his insights and his talents in knowing how to” tell a story”, and we are finally coming to the completion of this film. Or at least in getting the “first cut” done for a sneak preview on July 17th, at the State Theater in Traverse City, Michigan. The screening is by invitation only and if you would like to attend, just drop me an email at gail@openingoureyes.net and tell me how many people would like to attend.

Since I first dreamed up this project in the final days of 2009, to the departure of our trip in the Spring of 2010, to where we are now, it has been a continual journey on every level imaginable. And I have had many angels working on my behalf – my husband Tom Kelly who has been the “wind beneath my wings” and without his support none of this would have been possible, my extended family who have been amused over the years with my schemes and dreams, my dear friends Angel Burns and Ally Raye who have believed in me and this project and have made incredibly exciting things happen for this film. (I’m not quite ready to divulge some of those exciting things publicly, just yet), Maria Grillo and Jason Harvey at The Grillo Group who have been so giving with their time and talents and created all the graphic design for the film’s release, and so many other “angels” who have helped me with foreign translations, been financial backers, helped me spread the word globally, and every person who was there for me when I needed support and encouragement. I am deeply grateful to have all these people in my life.

We live in an empowering time. When I began my career as a still photographer, over 30 years ago, I never would have imagined doing any of this. In fact just two years ago, none of this would have been possible. Our dreams are as big as we want them to be. I have seen this dream clearly from the start and each day I get closer and closer to seeing it become a reality.

Watch the Trailer

June 8, 2011

Misplacing My Muse

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve written in my blog. That’s not like me. To be honest, I just haven’t felt like writing. I thought that I had lost my muse – like it was some real person in my life who had “cut me off”. Whether the reason that I was giving myself for not wanting to write was real or fictionalized – I just didn’t have the desire – so I didn’t. I started writing a couple of years ago, when I would wake up at 4AM with my mind spinning and couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I got out of bed and wrote about whatever was going through my head at the time.

My daughter Erin (and others) will tell you that I’m an extrovert. That’s accurate for the most part, but I also have another side that surfaces every so often that makes me want to withdraw. And that’s when I have the urge to “feed my head”. I read a lot and have conversations with friends who plants seeds in my head that may turn up later in another project. I’m refueling. I’m tuning into myself.

But getting back to the whole “muse” notion. I think I may have been confusing a “muse” as being someone who was real in my life. Someone who would stimulate my mind with fresh ideas and encourage me to pursue them. Sure, I have had people in my life that did just that for me. But what I really think was happening was more subtle – or at least was subtle to my conscious mind. My perceived “muses” were really just causing me to look into my inner voice and myself. In other words the “muse” was inside me.

I’m not sure what is a more frightening thought – to think that a muse is someone tangible who may come into and out of my life leaving me vulnerable to these outside forces – or that a muse is my own inner voice who just doesn’t seem to shut up some days. Maybe a muse is a bit of both – my inner voice but also how I choose to react to outside forces.

Regardless, I have learned to go with the flow of energy that is there in the present. It’s far better than to fight it. That’s not to say that I don’t fight “resistance” and I do not define resistance solely as outside forces. In fact, most resistance comes from my own mind and ego – always trying to rationalize and give me good reasons why I should not pursue something – why I should not confront my fears.

So if there are weeks that go by and I seem to have disappeared – if in fact the disappearances are even noticed amongst the other distractions of life – know that I am taking some time off to feed my own head.

I’m just trying to sing the song I was meant to sing.

May 15, 2011May 15, 2011

Avoiding the Pitfalls When Working from Home

A lot of my photographer friends have closed their studios this year, due to a lousy economy and changes with the type of work they do. They’ve set up offices in their home and some have faired better than others. It seems like this transition is a lot harder for some of my male friends than my female friends.

Maggie Doyne visit- 2011-04-20 — Gail in her "home office" - cluttered but productive.

I think it’s kind of a “hunter/gatherer” type thing where some men feel the need to head off to a “place of work” and if they don’t have that – they feel less “legitimate”.

This past winter one of my friends was having a particularly tough time making this transition and he was ready to pack it all in and get a “real” job. He called me because he knew that I’ve always worked from home, and he wanted to know how I dealt with it and stayed productive. We had a long and very honest conversation and he thanked me.

I saw him at a party this weekend and he came up to me, thanked me again and told me things were looking up for him. Quite honestly, I had forgotten the conversation but he reminded me of some things I said to him and suggested that I blog about it. So here goes.

Some tips and some things to avoid:

Start off by calling it your “home office” – not “working from home”. Somehow it’s different psychologically.

Be prepared for well meaning family and friends to encourage you to get a “real job”. This happens a lot with people who have creative careers. It’s hard, but you need to explain to your loved ones that what you do IS a real job. Just because you’ve had to lower your overhead and work from a home office, doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. It does mean that you’ve had to make adjustments just like a lot of others have had to do these days to make ends meet.
Avoid falling into the trap of taking care of personal tasks during your business hours. My friend found himself spending a lot of time on errands that his spouse asked him to do – “since he was home”. That’s fine once in awhile, but if you find yourself spending half your day doing personal stuff – you are sabotaging yourself and your business. And personal stuff includes putting together Aunt Ann’s birthday bash photos in a fun presentation for all to see. Sure do that – but not during business hours because this is not your hobby – it’s your business.
Don’t get overly complacent as soon as you get rid of the expense of your studio. I’ve seen this happen a lot. The pressure to make that overhead is gone so you let your guard down and along with that your clients start to disappear. But it’s because you’ve disappeared – you’re not marketing yourself anymore – and you’re off your clients’ radar.
- • Have a routine just like you would if you walked out the door to go to work.
- • Get up at a set time and get dressed – sounds simple but it’s important
- • Have set work hours
- • Have a plan – just because you’re in your home doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a business plan with action items.
- • Avoid distractions – tough one. If you find yourself doing something that a “boss” wouldn’t approve of – then stop yourself. You’re the boss so stop cheating yourself.
Network and connect with your peers and colleagues. This is important, especially in a creative business. You need to have people you can bounce things off of. I have a couple of friends in my life that I’m really grateful for because I know I can share my vulnerabilities and ideas with them without being judged. Friends can do that for you because they don’t have anything personally at stake and can look at things with unbiased eyes. These connections are critical when working from home. These days it’s easy to connect with others. If you can’t do a face-to-face – you’ve got hundreds of other options with social media, listservs or just pick up the phone.
Remember on your darkest days when it seems like it’s hopeless and you’re ready to pack it in and get one of those “real jobs” – don’t totally abandon your dream just yet – leave the door cracked open at least. Maybe get a part time job to start. It will take some of the pressure off and if photography or music or writing or whatever – is your passion – then you’ll quickly find out that a “real job” may not be what makes you happy. The cynics may say that you shouldn’t expect happiness with a job and that the expectation of a job should be to just pay your bills. Maybe so, but do you want to spend most of your life being miserable or counting down the hours to your next vacation? Many times that part time job gives you the push you need to re-invigorate your business because you’ve had a taste of the alternative.
Don’t burn your bridges. If you’ve had even the slightest bit of success in the past, following your passions but are in a slump – don’t be so quick to announce to the world that you’re moving on to another career – unless you are thoroughly convinced that you will never have any regrets making that decision. You get the best light from a burning bridge – but it’s usually too late by then. If there’s one thing I’ve learned the hard way – it’s not to burn bridges – because life has a way of making you regret it.

April 27, 2011April 27, 2011

Validation No Longer Necessary

There seems to be a prevailing attitude of doom and gloom. We have an economy that can’t seem to turn itself around and we’re bombarded by change that technology continues to thrust upon us. We’re scared to death of the unknown and nobody seems to know what to do next and how to make any money doing it.

Yet, I’ve never been more hopeful in my life. Why? Because I no longer need someone else to validate my ideas – and that is a powerful notion. Those of us in the communication business seem to be particularly fearful. Some believe that the “news” business is dying because print publications – newspapers and magazines are folding every week. But the “news” business is not dying – it’s just being delivered in another way – electronically and globally. There are no longer just a few gatekeepers with a lock on the playing field.

Human beings are social animals and we will always have the need to communicate with each other. These days we can communicate with one another globally. An idea or creation can be shared around the world in a matter of minutes. Think of the power in that and think of how we can use that power and the opportunities it presents. I could digress into a discussion on the ethics of this thought but I’d like to focus more on the reach and influence that each one of us has in creating awareness.

Many of us get enamored with the latest devices that enable us to deliver and receive information with speed and ease. As technology’s exponential growth continues to change our lives in every way imaginable, we will constantly be incorporating and upgrading new gadgets and devices as part of our lives. We need to be mindful that these “toys” are merely enablers and that each one of us can use these tools to create and distribute our words, images, designs and ideas across the planet.

I think that we as creative’s or journalists underestimate ourselves sometimes. Perhaps because we chose professions that aren’t lucrative – at least in terms of money. However, what one is paid doesn’t necessarily correlate with one’s worth. We live in a time now where we can use our creative skills to really make a difference and to tell the stories that we feel need to be told. Mass communication has been democratized. We no longer need the traditional gatekeepers to validate our ideas.

I never would have dreamed that I would be able to circumvent the globe, create a documentary with only one other person in my crew – my daughter and then distribute it internationally. I never imagined that I would have the power to create awareness on a global level like I did when I uploaded my trailer to Vimeo. In a little more than a week’s time people in over 72 countries had played that video. Now in less than a month’s time, that trailer has been played in almost half the countries on the planet. Staggering thought.

This was not a commissioned project by a network or a motion picture studio. If I had waited for that – it never would have happened. I assigned myself. I was able to fund it by using my airline points, hotel rewards and doing trades with manufacturers for equipment. I also successfully raised money via Kickstarter a crowd funding site that made it possible for me to hire a professional editor. My daughter and I have been building an audience for our film since we started blogging about our journey. Our readers got more and more engaged as they followed us on our 99-day adventure around the world. They spread the word through Facebook and Twitter and via their own blogs and pretty soon word of our project spread virally. That was precisely our goal. To use our tools and skills to create a film about the change makers of our world so that others would be inspired and motivated as to what they can do.

I often think about how things in my life and in history would have been different if we had the Internet when I was growing up. For starters it would have had a huge effect on the Civil Rights Movement of the 60’s and the Vietnam War. But everything happens in its own time and when it is meant to happen. Change can be scary or it can be embraced and sometimes both at the same time.

Never stop dreaming. Never stop learning. Always listen to that inner voice. Then use the means and the tools of the day to do the dance you are meant to do.

April 21, 2011May 4, 2011

Commitment

I was stunned yet not surprised yesterday when I heard the tragic news that Tim Hetherington had been killed in Libya. I’m grateful that I had seen Hetherington speak and present his work at Photo Plus in 2009. I remember being awed by the intimacy of his photographs and motion. The viewer felt that they were right there in the action because Hetherington had been – and relayed that story to us.

We know about Hetherington and his work mostly because his documentary Restrepo had been nominated for an Oscar last year. But how many other men and women who document the wars and the natural disasters, putting themselves in harms way on a daily basis, do we ever even hear about? That’s because it is not about them, it’s about what they are photographing or filming or writing about. It’s about making others aware.

I once thought that I wanted to be a hard news photojournalist because there is a big part of me that loves to be where the action is. But I also know that living that kind of life takes its toll especially on ones personal life. I didn’t know if I could achieve the kind of balance in my life that I felt was important, pursuing that type of photography. So I went the way of shooting more editorial feature pieces with a focus on people. I also thought that I might be the type of person who would become overly emotionally invested when on site and perhaps not able to fulfill my journalistic responsibilities.

I will always have the utmost respect and admiration for all the working journalists, photojournalists and video journalists out there who give us these incredibly intimate stories, risking their own safety over and over again. They do it for precious little financial reward. They do it because good journalism is necessary for a healthy society. I’m forever grateful.

April 18, 2011April 18, 2011

Snapshots With Words

Many of you have probably heard me say “still images are moments in time” and “video is time in motion”. I think and I shoot differently in each of these mediums.

It is kind of like the difference between poetry (or the lyrics of a song) and prose. In a poem, just as with the lyrics of a song, each word must “say” a whole lot just like a still photograph must convey everything in that one moment in time. When writing prose you have all those other words to connect your thoughts. To be honest, I never took any writing courses in college and I did not find myself reading books of poetry in my off time. But I did listen to a lot of music back then – still do – and there’s not a lot of difference between the lyrics of a well-crafted song and those in a poem.

When I was traveling last summer, I found myself mentally capturing images in my head as we went from destination to destination. I started to type out these random thoughts on my blackberry and because of the nature of that device and the tiny keys, I typed out my thoughts in abbreviated fashion. My intent was never to share these thoughts with anyone, let alone pretend that I could write poetry, but I did share some of them, reluctantly and with trepidation, “testing the waters” so to speak. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a dock and dipping my toe into the water while a friend egged me on and encouraged me to jump in.

I’ve continued writing my snapshots with words but I’ve become a bit more self-conscious these days with sharing these thoughts. Perhaps I’ve become more guarded or maybe just too self-conscious to share. I suppose that’s ok because what is most important is that I don’t let my own inhibitors and doubts stop me from writing. When I first started writing down these words or poems or whatever label you want to put on them, perhaps I needed to share them with someone else. I needed to test the waters and when I did I got the necessary encouragement to jump in.

These days I try not to define myself too rigidly as to who or what I am by definitions and labels like photographer, filmmaker, writer or poet. Ultimately, I use whatever tool works best to express the thoughts and stories that run through my mind. I continue to stick my toe into unfamiliar water and every now and then I get brave enough to jump in thanks to a little encouragement from my friends. I think we all need that in our lives – someone who we know we can bounce ideas off of without the fear of ridicule. As one of the subjects in my documentary beautifully stated “we’ve got to shine each other up”.

March 31, 2011

Believing in the Impossible

It’s such a big leap isn’t it? To really believe that anything is possible. For me it’s far easier to believe that anything I put my mind to is possible than to think that everything is hopeless. It’s a simple mindset and a way of life.

Think about it for a minute. When you are convinced that you have the ability to make the impossible – possible – then you will put your dreams into action. You will take that chance and by doing so you are creating your own reality instead of reacting to what others have created for you which may not be in your best interests.

I’ve never been a big fan of hearing “you can’t do that” or “it won’t work”. Those are fighting words to me because no one can predict the future – so I find comments like that offensive to my very being. I’ve come up with my own theories about why there are so many naysayers in the world. One theory is that misery loves company and because there are some people who stop themselves – they seem to take comfort in deterring others from their dreams.

Stay away from the naysayers and remind yourself that they don’t know the future – nobody does. Hang around people who are crazy enough to brazenly go forward and pursue those thoughts and dreams that live deep inside themselves because they are listening to their inner spirit.

They say the spirit inside never ages. I believe that and I know when I feel aligned with my spirit because I feel child like – filled with wonder, curiosity and belief in myself and my dreams. When I tell people about my wild notions, they get caught up in my passions and spur me on. These days with social media we have the power to turn one person’s simple idea into a collective thought – into a possibility. Imagine the power in that thought. That’s the power of the individual to create change and change starts with that one crazy thought that someone had who listened to their spirit inside.

Let’s hear some of your own crazy notions. Who knows it just may spark something in someone and change their life.