Inspirational – Page 11 – Journeys of a Hybrid

February 17, 2012

When “We” Became “Me”

It started happening after JFK was assassinated, followed by Martin Luther King’s death and finally the brutal slaying of JFK’s brother, Robert in the kitchen of a hotel in Los Angeles. We were beginning to shift from a culture of “we” that began after the troops came back from the “big war – WWII” and everyone wanted to get back to normal life – having families, friends, and earn enough money to take a vacation every year, pay your bills and be able to educate your kids so that they would have a chance at a better life.

I was a kid in the fifties and it was a time when there was a real sense of community – definitely a “we” feeling in many ways. Our backyards all connected into one big play field for all the kids in the neighborhood with the “woods” being the un-chartered territory beyond. We ran free, till dark, feeling like our own tribe of “we” with our own set of rules. Everyone pretty much looked out for one another –parents looked out for their neighbors’ kids, kids watched out for other kids, moms helped out other moms and dads the same. We had a sense of community.

In the late sixties things began to change. The Vietnam War was in full swing, along with the Civil Rights Movement and student unrest was building to the “Arab Spring” of its times. Our dreams were beginning to fade – our friends were coming home in body bags, our cities and neighborhoods were being destroyed during the riots of the late sixties, and our leaders were assassinated, one after another. A shift was starting to happen. We were becoming divided. Fences and hedges started to divide our backyards, breaking up that once endless playing field. We were starting to become more about “me.”

As a culture we roared through the 80’s and 90’s following a path as a society that believed that in order to win, others had to lose. We became greedy, thinking only of our personal gain and caring little how that affected others. The divide among us has exceeded beyond what most of us would have ever thought possible. We have made an art of “ how to get nothing done” with our political system and no one is getting anywhere. We are expending so much negative energy and if we don’t turn that around, we are all doomed.

I’m not a pessimist – just the opposite. I think if we can all just stop and flip our mindset into what we “can do”, instead of slamming the “other guy”, we just might be able to turn things around. I see a younger generation, the 25-30 year olds who are thinking more in terms of the “we”, and getting away from the “me” mentality. I have great hopes for this generation. We are at a turning point. I’d like to look back at this time 10 years from now and say to myself “I’m glad I did something.”

January 31, 2012

Why Did You Want to Become a Photographer?

That was one of the questions posed to me during an interview this past weekend. A young woman had asked to interview me for a college paper she was writing. The call and the questions started out somewhat clinical, most likely another task or paper that she needed to check off her list. She proceeded through the usual list of questions: “Did you go to photography school?” “What type of photography are you interested in?” So on and so forth.

I could hear her typing my answers and I paused to let her catch up. But then she asked a question that really struck me on many levels. “Did you get into photography because it was cheaper?” I asked her what she meant by that – did she mean the tools of the trade were cheaper? When she responded “yes”, I told her that was somewhat of a misnomer and that the first cameras I bought (mechanical ones) I had used for 10 years. I added that now, because of the exponential impact of technology on my profession, my cameras and the software I need on the post end, have to be upgraded at least every two or three years, and that was only part of the investment required in the “tools of the trade.”

As she typed my response, I felt myself getting a bit anxious and I started speaking rapidly. I told her that even if that were true – meaning that I got into the photographic profession because it was cheaper – that would have been the absolute worst reason for me or anyone else, to choose photography as a profession. I went on to say that you need to be passionate about some aspect of photography that makes you want to do it more than anything, if you want to have a chance of sustaining yourself financially in this profession. Pursue photography because it brings you joy and that if you are getting into it because the entry level costs were “cheaper” you’ll simply be competing with thousands or tens of thousands of button pushers.

I went on to tell her that I became a photographer as a means to an end. I had been studying architecture in college and after two years left school to travel. I traveled the world for a year and came back knowing that I wanted to pursue a lifestyle that would incorporate travel but more importantly fill my endless curiosity of people and cultures and exploration. I wanted to become a storyteller, and became a photographer as a means to that end.

As the interview progressed I noticed the typing started to diminish as I told her that I have never separated my business from my pleasure and that they have always been tied together throughout my life. Simply put – my business is my pleasure. I talked about my frustrations starting out as one of a handful of women in a man’s world and for the most part a man’s profession – at least in the early days. I talked about the endless stream of rejections and the “wins” that seemed to pop into my life when I needed them most, rescuing me in the knick of time, just when I was thinking of quitting and moving into another career. I told her that unless she really wanted to do photography, she wouldn’t survive in this profession. I talked about my mentors when I was her age and how grateful I am that I had those people in my life. I relayed a couple of anecdotes about things my mentors had said to me and how those words had been pivotal moments in my life and that when things got tough, I drew upon those words of wisdom to get me through the day.

Then there was a very loud audible sigh, followed by a long period of silence and my mind raced through the various things that I had said to her. Was I too harsh? Did I paint too bleak of picture? Or worse yet – did I make it sound too easy and that all she had to do was “just do it”. I felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility that maybe I said something that was going to dictate the rest of her life and I kind of panicked in that moment of silence. And then she said “thank you so much for talking to me today, I started out just wanting to write my paper, and I’m going to have a great paper, but you have no idea how much talking to you has helped me.” She went on to tell me that she had been struggling with a decision that she was trying to make between going to law school and going to film school. I told her that she needed to make that decision all by herself and that it wasn’t a decision that anyone else could make for her – not I – not her parents – not anyone else. I told her to dig down deep into herself for the answer, beyond the influence of others, the dogma of the day and all the noise. And most importantly to remember that it was her life and that she got to choose how to live it and that she had every right to change her mind along the way.

Quite honestly, it has been one of those “onion” months for me, with layers of setbacks and second-guessing myself. I got off the phone feeling good about paying forward what I have learned along my way and in that moment, I realized that this might be my “purpose” at this point in my life. The day had turned into one of those sweet “strawberry days”. She didn’t know it, but she had helped me as much as she said I had helped her. It’s those conversations and those little moments that keep me going, and come to my rescue, just in the knick of time.

I would love to hear from you all – why did you want to become a photographer? Something you say or write just may help someone and paying it forward is the best feeling in the world.

January 17, 2012January 17, 2012

Dealing with Rejection

Steve Jobs used to quote a saying “If you live each day as if it was your last – some day you’ll be right”.

I’ve pretty much applied this philosophy in my life and in doing so, many (but certainly not most) of my days are full. Some days are filled with joy and accomplishment and other days it seems like nothing is working out. Most days are a mixture of both – “hits and misses.”

I’m the type of person who tends to live life passionately, with hopes and dreams that are probably too lofty, and with that comes a lot of rejection. A lot of successful people are like me in that way. That’s not to say that I always feel successful, but some people may perceive me that way because every so often I achieve what I set out to do. What they don’t realize are all the times it didn’t work out. I can tell you, that I’ve had my fair share of misses. So how do I deal with rejection?

I remind myself – not to take it personally. Many times, it’s just that someone else has a different point of view and it’s just not the right fit. It may be a job that I didn’t get or a party I didn’t get invited to. And more times than not – it’s not about me or my work at all.
I try to find out why something was rejected. I do this because even though it’s hard to hear “why”, I know that if I can take my emotions out of the equation, I can learn and grow from it.
I remind myself that something I thought I wanted, maybe just wasn’t meant to be and in fact, many times that rejection ends up being a blessing in disguise. I look back at some of the pivotal points in my life, where I took a different direction after things didn’t work out. Almost every time, a low point prompted me to make a shift, it led to something extremely rewarding.
I tell myself that “playing it safe” is in fact very risky. If I don’t try, then it’s a given that I won’t succeed. So, while “playing it safe” may seem like it can eliminate rejection – it can also eliminate feelings of accomplishment and maybe even self-worth.
I talk about my rejections, rather than pretend that everything in my life is roses. In fact I have found in writing this blog over the past few years that the most popular posts have had the word “mistake” in the title. Why is that? Because, we humans seem to take comfort in the fact that we aren’t the only ones getting rejected. Misery loves company. Ask any successful person how many times things didn’t go their way. You’ll find out more times than not.
I take comfort in the ones I love and who love me. They get me through it every time and I’m grateful for those people in my life.

Rejection comes with living a life fully and I tell myself that every time I want to throw in the towel and give up on my dreams. I want to live every day as if it were my last and if it comes with heartache and rejection, I’ll remind myself that it makes the “hits” that much sweeter.

January 13, 2012

How to be a More Interesting Person

I came across one of the best blog posts I’ve ever read this past week on Forbes.com. But before you jump off to that link, I’d like to share some of my thoughts-about what makes some people interesting – and some not.

Talk to people outside your inner circles – I found when I was a student at Brooks Institute, I was frequently bored at the student/photographer parties because all the conversations centered around just photography. It was a natural topic for discussion but the talk was always about gear and rarely about creative ideas. I found more stimulating conversations outside my peer group which actually helped me creatively with my photography.
Be a better listener. Have you ever had dinner with someone who commanded most of the conversation but followed up later with a note telling you what a great evening they had in your company? People love to hear themselves talk and for many – great listeners become “interesting people” in the process.
Do things and go places where interesting people hang out. Get out of the house and away from your TV set and interact with people from all walks of life. I’ve spent a lifetime street shooting for magazines. My most memorable conversations have been with people I’ve encountered along the way. These are people who I never would have interacted with normally but those are the conversations that have stayed with me over the years.
Be yourself. So many people do things to “fit in”. They become clones of their environment rather than staying true to themselves. There is nothing interesting about people like that for me. That’s why I travel and embrace other cultures.
Minimize the swagger. This one is right off the Forbes list but it’s a good one. No one likes being around folks who are full of themselves and have big egos. Some groups of people are more prone to this than others – generally people who come from professions where they feel what they do for a living has life or death consequences. Doctors are really the only ones dealing with life or death situations – and quite honestly a lot of doctors I’ve met aren’t very interesting to talk to because many are so self important, they let their egos get in the way.

I hate to make broad strokes but I find artists, filmmakers, musicians, taxi drivers, doormen (and women) and circus people some of the more interesting people to be around.
Get out more – live life fully – try new things – talk to more people and people who aren’t like you at all – be open – be giving – be caring – share – and embrace life every day with joy.

But check out the Forbes.com post – it’s an easy read and will bring a smile to your face.

December 28, 2011

Happy New Day

This is the time of year when we look back at our past year – our ups, our downs and everything in between. And we all pretty much look forward with optimism for a better year ahead – making pledges to ourselves with good intentions, to do better or be better in the New Year.

But what happens when you break the pledge that you made to yourself early in the year? Many of us tend to feel that we’ve somehow failed if we don’t live up to our own expectations with our yearly resolutions. Some of us think it’s better not to even make resolutions or have any expectations.

As for me, I look at every day as a new day rather than limit my aspirations to an annual event.

Times Square, New Years Eve, NYC — Times Square

Every day that I wake up is a “fresh start” for me. Any given day comes with the hope of possibilities. Anything can happen, especially if I open my mind to that way of thinking. Rather than pledge every New Year’s Eve that next year will be better – I tell myself every day that the yesterday is gone, and I don’t know if there will be a tomorrow, so all I have is the now.

I do know that I’ve grown personally this past year. I have learned to quiet my mind and in doing so I have gotten more in touch with myself. I question myself as to why I think I may want to do something. If the answers are mostly ego driven – I dismiss the notion. The more I get in touch with who I am and listen to my own voice, the more I have to give. I have opened my heart with no expectations in return but have been richly rewarded by doing so.

I wish I had learned all that I learned this past year, a long time ago. But everything has its own time and I needed to get through all those days along the way. That’s what makes life worth living.

Here’s to every new day.

December 26, 2011

It’s a Wonderful Life

We have a holiday tradition in our family. Every Christmas Eve we watch the classic Capra movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” No matter how many times I have seen it – I cry every time at the end when George Bailey, Jimmy Stewart’s character, opens a book that is inscribed “no man is a failure who has friends.” The movie is about George Bailey a frustrated but compassionate businessman following in the footsteps of his father. He runs a small building and loan company, barely making a profit, but making it possible for his customers – his friends and neighbors – to get a home.

There’s a crisis in the film where George wants to end his life. An angel comes to him and shows him what it would have been like if he had never been born. That’s when George realizes how much his life has affected the lives of others and what a rich life he really has.

I think we all tend to forget how our lives affect the lives of others. In the things we say. In the things left unsaid. Often times we don’t even realize how we affect others because we are too narrowly focused on ourselves and only see our own perspective. Many times, our perspective might not be what’s really happening at all. The funny thing is that you never really know how your life has affected another’s unless they tell you – and most people don’t.

Every so often when I get frustrated by people’s actions, I remind myself that those very things that people do that make me feel bad or angry or sad – are the human imperfections that make life what it is. I remind myself that my imperfections and actions have an affect on others as well.

Every now and then, I’ll get an email or a Facebook message where somebody lets me know that I affected them in a positive way. It’s usually very something simple that I did or said, but it makes me feel good to hear that I made someone else’s life a little bit better.

Our world has changed a lot since Capra made this movie in 1946. A “friend” has taken on a different meaning – certainly a broader as we communicate globally with ease. But ultimately people are people with the basic human need of wanting to be loved and to know that someone cares about them. When we begin to understand that – it is what we do for others that brings the most rewards to our own life – then it really is a wonderful life.

December 10, 2011December 10, 2011

How a Film Can Make a Difference

I never fully realized the power that is within me to make a difference, until recently. Last summer, my daughter and I spent time with extraordinary people who were providing homes for orphans, feeding the hungry and curing the ill. They were all people we met while making a documentary about the change makers in our world – people who are making our planet a better place.

Our goal was to inspire and motivate others as to what they can do to make a difference in their own communities. Our goal was to cause a shift, in culture and in thought – from “what in it for me?” to “what can I do?” We’ve just begun to submit this documentary to film festivals and show sneak previews to small audiences but I can already tell that this film has affected change and the potential it has to move people to action.

From our first sneak preview at the beautiful State Theater in Traverse City, MI to a recent screening at MIS in Sao Paulo, Brazil, I feel the energy in the room and the collective desire to strive for a better world. I feel the power of film and the power within me as a storyteller and filmmaker. I feel the time for this film is now and that people are hungry for hope.

Many documentaries take the critical point of view and certainly have more conflict. Opening Our Eyes is different from other docs in that it shines a light on what IS being done to create positive change by individuals all over the world. Somehow by showing the small acts, this film makes all of us believe that we can create change as well. It empowers us to believe in the possibilities and gives us the hope we seem to be yearning for these days.

When I first conceived of the idea for this film, inspired by friend and neighbor Maggie Doyne, I was looking for some positive hope myself. I was tired of listening to the hundreds of “experts” on TV talking and all of them needing to be “right” – and nothing was getting any better. That was long before the Arab Spring and the Occupy movements. What I was sensing was the rest of the world was feeling the same way I was and decided to do something about it.

Time will tell if the film continues to create awareness and moves people to action, but at least I’m hopeful again.

Please consider supporting our effort by making a contribution to our IndieGoGo campaign, which only has a few weeks, left to go. And it’s tax deductible.

We can’t do it without your help.

December 8, 2011

There Are No Prince Charmings or Overnight Successes

I think we all buy into a lot of crap in our American culture – in a lot of cultures actually.

Let’s start with “Prince Charming”. Young girls grow up believing in the fantasy that there is ”the ideal man” out there who is perfect in every way. And young boys grow up with their own version of this fairytale. It’s really too bad because it’s all those flaws and differences that make us all human and drive us all crazy, that are the very things we should embrace. In our expectations for perfection and our intolerance for less, we often see only the “blemishes” or the cons and overlook the overall person. We fail to see that it is all of those things that go into the make up of a person’s character. It took my husband and I many years to figure out that the very things that annoyed us about one another – our differences – made us stronger as a couple.

There is no such thing as an “overnight success”. We believe that because in our culture we only hear about the successes. For some reason we don’t look at the big picture and everything that led to that recognition. Success is an interesting concept to me anyway. Many people define it by winning or attaining financial wealth. Ultimately, it’s defined by a final destination rather than the journey. Is it really about the final destination? If so how does one determine if only one win is enough or how much money is enough?

Talk to anyone who has risen to celebrity status and they will talk about the ups and the downs and the constantly evolving journey. A lot of musicians, who have had big hits and have gotten rave reviews, don’t always get the same glory the 2nd, 3rd or 4th time around. Their careers are made up of the highs and the lows and everything inbetween.

I’ve had my share of highs and lows. Last week I got my rejection notice from the Sundance Film Festival for my film, Opening Our Eyes. Rather than be despondent about it, I will frame this email rejection as a reminder to myself that I entered and had the courage to try. There were over 11,000 entries and only 16 documentaries will be shown this year. I am proud to be in this 99%. This rejection is but one of many that I’ve had over the years of my career. I’ve certainly had more rejections than I’ve had successes, but the failures have only made the successes that much sweeter.

This film in particular has been an evolving journey for me – with no destination in sight. While it may never be a “success” in terms of how some people define that word, for me it has already brought many unexpected rewards to my life. For example, I’ve just returned from Sao Brazil, Brazil where I had been invited to do a TEDx talk. It was one of those weekends that gave me great hope for the future as I dialoged with amazing people who were doing extraordinary things with their lives and for the lives of others. The next evening I was given the opportunity to screen my film at MIS, a beautiful museum in Sao Paulo. During the Q&A, a man asked me if making this film had changed my life. I didn’t have to give it a second thought before I answered “yes and it continues to do so in amazing ways.”

I will continue to embrace the entire journey – the lows as well as the highs.

November 27, 2011

Sassed by a Hooker in Vegas

OK, I admit it, Las Vegas is not my favorite place in the world, but it is thought provoking. After spending a couple of glorious weeks in New Zealand with its dramatic natural landscapes and warm, trusting people (I was surprised to find out that they have no airport security for domestic flights in NZ), I was thrown into a culture shock by heading straight to Vegas.

Whenever I’m in Vegas, I feel like I’m in one of those awful reality shows where everyone exudes bad behavior. What do you expect from a city that encourages bad behavior in their advertising campaign. It’s a non-stop show of human excess and decadence. It’s great for people-watching but it depletes the soul.

One evening a group of friends and I watched the endless parade of humanity – at its worst. Women wearing outfits that they definitely don’t look good in, everybody over imbibing on something or other and hustlers of all kinds – everywhere. So, I was amused when a hooker caught my glance and made a remark about me looking at her. Isn’t that’s what she’s going for – to be noticed?

I suppose I’m at a point in my life where I have no use for an environment that is the opposite of what is important in my life – tranquility and beauty. I wonder – what is it that attracts people to this destination – is it the chance of getting “lucky”? Or is it a place they feel they can go to be their “real” self. If so, I wonder why they need Vegas for that?

I don’t get it but I was happy to go home – or back to New Zealand.

November 24, 2011November 24, 2011

Being Grateful but Overwhelmed

What’s the old saying – “be careful what you wish for?”

I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving morning, because so many of my wishes are coming true. But they haven’t come without a cost or a compromise somewhere along the line.

For example, I’ve been highly focused on the making and promoting of my film Opening Our Eyes. While that has brought many rewards into my life, it has also taken time away from my business. It’s helped my business by bringing awareness to it. But it’s also hurt my business because it’s taken some of my attention away– or at least for the time being. There are only so many hours in the day.

When I take time to take a breathe these days, I wonder how it will all turn out. I feel that I’m taking a risk for once in my life. I’m listening to myself and not questioning it or pulling back at the wrong time because I’m doubting myself.

I think we all have to decide the kind of life we want to live and live it the best we know how. The older I get the more I realize that.

On this Thanksgiving morning, I’m thankful that I’m living a full life and open to possibilities.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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