We are taught from an early age to conform. Think about it. Schools emphasize conformity with rules, regulations and a system built on recitation and memorization. We are told there are two types of answers – “right” and “wrong” ones. I suppose when speaking about math and science, it could be stated that there are only two types of answers or conclusions – it’s either right or wrong. But is that true? Are there really only two types of answers? Or is that merely a mechanism that makes it easier to grade tests and papers?
Is it any wonder that we are programmed from an early age NOT to be innovative or creative with our thinking? Is it any wonder that we are afraid or fearful to take a leap and question something? But what are we afraid of? Essentially, we are afraid to be wrong. We are afraid to fail. So what do we do? We let our fear stop us and in doing so we stifle creativity and innovation.
We have been trained to obey rules, comply, sit and stand in an orderly fashion, “don’t rock the boat”, “be a good soldier”, and in the process we stifle innovation and growth. The problem is that “system” left over from the industrial age doesn’t work anymore. The world has changed. These days, people are entering a “workforce” that is no longer contained within geographic boundaries with an established set of rules and controls. It’s out of our control. Wow, that’s enough to make anyone afraid.
So, what do most people do when their world is changing and they are scared to death? Sadly, they tend to desperately hold onto a system that is broken and no longer serves them well. They spend enormous amounts of energy defending this broken system from the past because it’s all they know.
We can either succumb to change, and merely react to it little by little over time, until there isn’t much left of a life we once knew, or we can face our fears and take responsibility for our lives. In order to do that, we need to change our outlook and identify what it is we are really afraid of. Ironically, what most of us fear is failing, so in an effort to protect ourselves from this fear – we ultimately fail because we end up with a life that brings few rewards.
Steve Jobs used to quote a saying “If you live each day as if it was your last – some day you’ll be right”.
I’ve pretty much applied this philosophy in my life and in doing so, many (but certainly not most) of my days are full. Some days are filled with joy and accomplishment and other days it seems like nothing is working out. Most days are a mixture of both – “hits and misses.”
I’m the type of person who tends to live life passionately, with hopes and dreams that are probably too lofty, and with that comes a lot of rejection. A lot of successful people are like me in that way. That’s not to say that I always feel successful, but some people may perceive me that way because every so often I achieve what I set out to do. What they don’t realize are all the times it didn’t work out. I can tell you, that I’ve had my fair share of misses. So how do I deal with rejection?
I remind myself – not to take it personally. Many times, it’s just that someone else has a different point of view and it’s just not the right fit. It may be a job that I didn’t get or a party I didn’t get invited to. And more times than not – it’s not about me or my work at all.
I try to find out why something was rejected. I do this because even though it’s hard to hear “why”, I know that if I can take my emotions out of the equation, I can learn and grow from it.
I remind myself that something I thought I wanted, maybe just wasn’t meant to be and in fact, many times that rejection ends up being a blessing in disguise. I look back at some of the pivotal points in my life, where I took a different direction after things didn’t work out. Almost every time, a low point prompted me to make a shift, it led to something extremely rewarding.
I tell myself that “playing it safe” is in fact very risky. If I don’t try, then it’s a given that I won’t succeed. So, while “playing it safe” may seem like it can eliminate rejection – it can also eliminate feelings of accomplishment and maybe even self-worth.
I talk about my rejections, rather than pretend that everything in my life is roses. In fact I have found in writing this blog over the past few years that the most popular posts have had the word “mistake” in the title. Why is that? Because, we humans seem to take comfort in the fact that we aren’t the only ones getting rejected. Misery loves company. Ask any successful person how many times things didn’t go their way. You’ll find out more times than not.
I take comfort in the ones I love and who love me. They get me through it every time and I’m grateful for those people in my life.
Rejection comes with living a life fully and I tell myself that every time I want to throw in the towel and give up on my dreams. I want to live every day as if it were my last and if it comes with heartache and rejection, I’ll remind myself that it makes the “hits” that much sweeter.
Which is it? Which one of these paradigms rules your own behavior? If you are like me, then it’s a little bit of both.
Lately, I think I’ve been leaning more toward fearing success – than failing. I don’t usually contemplate my fears – most times, rushing into the unknown like a young child. I think that’s my inner voice that is calling and I blindly follow. And when I do follow, good things happen. And that’s when I start to get afraid.
Odd isn’t it – being afraid when things are going as I planned, even as I dreamed. I guess for me, fearing success stems from my own lack of self-confidence and questioning myself “Am I deserving of these good things that are happening in my life?
If I stop and think about it – that it was my hard work that led to those “good things” – then I’m OK. But when hard work comes from a place of passion, deep within me, I lose sight that it is work at all. Sure, there are days when things overwhelm me and days when everything I do seems to “fail”, but mostly my work is my joy.
The only thing I really fear is to wake up one day and not feel joy in what I’m doing. I hope that if that happens, I face my fears and change things.
I have always approached new technology in a backwards sort of way. I’m not one to buy the latest camera or software version if I don’t have a need driving me in that direction. I got into video because I felt the need to incorporate motion and sound to the stories that I wanted to tell.
Lately all you hear about is video. Clients are coming to me because they feel the need to add video to their website. And more and more still photographers feel the need to embrace video in their work. Whenever someone questions me about getting into video, I always ask them “what do you want to do with it?” A typical answer is “because everyone is getting into” or “I feel the need to keep up and not be left behind”. While these are honest answers, and certainly there’s some merit to them, I always try to get people to focus on what it is they want to use the medium of video for. Will video convey their message better than a still image or text?
Personally I’ve never been a fan of “getting on the bandwagon” just because everyone else is. Whenever I’ve acquired a new “toy” for that purpose – it generally sits in the box because I haven’t thought about how I will use it to “tell the story” that I have to tell. I was reminded today when watching a piece about Don Hewitt, the creator of the TV program 60 Minutes. He was all about “telling the story” and felt that the story is what we humans are interested in and will hold an audience’s attention. His vision was to create a magazine in a TV format. That was almost 40 years ago and 60 Minutes is still on the air. But Hewitt was a persuasive and dynamic man with a strong belief in his convictions. He was also a pioneer in TV broadcasting and at the right place, at the right time – because back then everyone was learning and they were writing the rules as they went.
Right now I think we’re at the same place with video on the web. We’re all struggling with not only new technology but how we can apply it in a business sense. The 100 million dollar question (or more) is How to monetize the Web? I for one don’t have a crystal ball but I do know one thing that history has taught me and that is – nothing new ever comes from keeping the status quo. That’s not to say that every pioneer has a success story and in fact behind every successful person is usually a trail of failed ideas. But if they hadn’t taken that chance……….you gotta wonder.
The other big dynamic is that being proactive is taking control of the situation rather than reacting to something out of fear. For the most part fear stifles creativity. Either way – there’s always going to be a bit of fear but I find when I take control and become more proactive, I focus on the creative aspects and remove the mental roadblocks that are telling me to stop. I don’t always succeed – but I always give myself a shot at success – when I free my mind and am open to possibilities.